If you’re anything like me, there’s a Question that you never want to hear again and yet almost everyone you meet can’t seem to resist asking at every opportunity. You know the one.
“So....what are you doing these days?”
You hate it because you have to mumble something along the lines of “Oh, you know, just keeping busy.” It translates roughly to working at a dead-end job or worse, nothing and living off your parents, and you can see the look of pity in their eyes as they say “Ohh, right, it’s good to stay busy” and change the topic. Inevitably, whatever they are doing is much, much cooler than whatever it is that you do to pass the time, and you leave the meeting more dissatisfied with your life than ever.
Some well-intentioned people would have you believe that Facebook is the answer to this. You can stay in touch with your friends AND avoid the Question. They’re wrong. Facebook is worse. Why? Because with a certain amount of pride-swallowing, you can learn to deal with the Question (we’ll talk more about that later). But what is harder to take is what seems like an endless stream of friends and acquaintances whose lives are spectacularly better than yours. I can guarantee that as soon as you find yourself staring into the face of limbo, 99.9% of your Facebook friends will be in better school programs than you are, in better relationships, and better jobs. There is copious evidence to support this, from pictures (Dee’s Paris Adventure!) to status updates (Mike Laney is so psyched for med school!) and the automatic info updates that populate your news feed (Darren is now in a relationship).
So, what is a Limbo Denizen to do? Everytime a new tidbit pops up on your newsfeed, you are reminded of how great everyone else’s life is. How are you supposed to maintain your friendships when you don’t want to hear about everyone else’s good fortune? Here are a few rules for dealing with Facebook when you feel as if you don’t have anything good going on in your own life.
1. Don’t go on Facebook. No, really. If there is no way for you go on facebook without seeing everyone else’s happy, smiling faces, and you just can’t stand them, then don’t. You don’t really need to be on Facebook, especially if you can stay in touch with your friends via text, phone, and email. At the very least, seriously consider cutting down how much time you spend on there.
2. Hide certain people from your newsfeed. No matter what it seems, not everyone on your friends list will be constantly broadcasting how wonderful their lives are. Click on the little x beside a self-promoter’s status to hide it from your feed, and no longer will you feel as if their life is being held up to yours for constant comparison. And you can still stay in touch with them via chat and private messages - you just won’t see what they are doing at all times!
3. Defriend some people. This goes one step further than the previous suggestion. If you have Facebook friends who you wouldn’t talk to in real life, and haven’t talked to in more than a year, why should their status updates clutter your newsfeed? Do you really need to know what they’re doing? You don’t. Cut ‘em loose.
4. Realize that no-one’s life is as great as they portray it to be on Facebook. For example, while I was living off of my last tax refund without school or job in sight, my page could have been filled with pictures of me and friends at a theme park (the one time I went), status updates about how I was loving my time off, and an info page filled with my affiliation with University of X, cool past employment, and newsfeed updates about how ‘Miss D. is no longer listed as single’ simply because I had taken the information off of my profile. To an outsider, my sunny smile conveyed nothing except that I was extremely happy. I wasn’t. Similarly, your friends’ lives are not as perfect as you think they are.
5. Start cultivating hobbies. Take a class in something artsy, join a sports team at a local community center, and start volunteering. Soon, you will find that you too have cool pictures to post and interesting status updates to share. Better yet, you’ll feel happier about yourself.
6. Realize that what other people are doing is nowhere near as important as what you are doing. This is long-term, and not easily done for everyone. It’s hard to get past the rosy image that everyone projects, and takes significant will-power to not compare yourself to other people when you are already feeling insecure about yourself due to your time in limbo. But even a small effort helps, and when you combine this with the other five rules, Facebook might not be quite such a drain on your confidence.
“So....what are you doing these days?”
You hate it because you have to mumble something along the lines of “Oh, you know, just keeping busy.” It translates roughly to working at a dead-end job or worse, nothing and living off your parents, and you can see the look of pity in their eyes as they say “Ohh, right, it’s good to stay busy” and change the topic. Inevitably, whatever they are doing is much, much cooler than whatever it is that you do to pass the time, and you leave the meeting more dissatisfied with your life than ever.
Some well-intentioned people would have you believe that Facebook is the answer to this. You can stay in touch with your friends AND avoid the Question. They’re wrong. Facebook is worse. Why? Because with a certain amount of pride-swallowing, you can learn to deal with the Question (we’ll talk more about that later). But what is harder to take is what seems like an endless stream of friends and acquaintances whose lives are spectacularly better than yours. I can guarantee that as soon as you find yourself staring into the face of limbo, 99.9% of your Facebook friends will be in better school programs than you are, in better relationships, and better jobs. There is copious evidence to support this, from pictures (Dee’s Paris Adventure!) to status updates (Mike Laney is so psyched for med school!) and the automatic info updates that populate your news feed (Darren is now in a relationship).
So, what is a Limbo Denizen to do? Everytime a new tidbit pops up on your newsfeed, you are reminded of how great everyone else’s life is. How are you supposed to maintain your friendships when you don’t want to hear about everyone else’s good fortune? Here are a few rules for dealing with Facebook when you feel as if you don’t have anything good going on in your own life.
1. Don’t go on Facebook. No, really. If there is no way for you go on facebook without seeing everyone else’s happy, smiling faces, and you just can’t stand them, then don’t. You don’t really need to be on Facebook, especially if you can stay in touch with your friends via text, phone, and email. At the very least, seriously consider cutting down how much time you spend on there.
2. Hide certain people from your newsfeed. No matter what it seems, not everyone on your friends list will be constantly broadcasting how wonderful their lives are. Click on the little x beside a self-promoter’s status to hide it from your feed, and no longer will you feel as if their life is being held up to yours for constant comparison. And you can still stay in touch with them via chat and private messages - you just won’t see what they are doing at all times!
3. Defriend some people. This goes one step further than the previous suggestion. If you have Facebook friends who you wouldn’t talk to in real life, and haven’t talked to in more than a year, why should their status updates clutter your newsfeed? Do you really need to know what they’re doing? You don’t. Cut ‘em loose.
4. Realize that no-one’s life is as great as they portray it to be on Facebook. For example, while I was living off of my last tax refund without school or job in sight, my page could have been filled with pictures of me and friends at a theme park (the one time I went), status updates about how I was loving my time off, and an info page filled with my affiliation with University of X, cool past employment, and newsfeed updates about how ‘Miss D. is no longer listed as single’ simply because I had taken the information off of my profile. To an outsider, my sunny smile conveyed nothing except that I was extremely happy. I wasn’t. Similarly, your friends’ lives are not as perfect as you think they are.
5. Start cultivating hobbies. Take a class in something artsy, join a sports team at a local community center, and start volunteering. Soon, you will find that you too have cool pictures to post and interesting status updates to share. Better yet, you’ll feel happier about yourself.
6. Realize that what other people are doing is nowhere near as important as what you are doing. This is long-term, and not easily done for everyone. It’s hard to get past the rosy image that everyone projects, and takes significant will-power to not compare yourself to other people when you are already feeling insecure about yourself due to your time in limbo. But even a small effort helps, and when you combine this with the other five rules, Facebook might not be quite such a drain on your confidence.
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